i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
