my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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