So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
