Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
