At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I deserve this hangover.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
