wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
