Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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