are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
