its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
