bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sext me about skeletons
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
