Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize