chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This baby is an asshole
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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