but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
