I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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