...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize