No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
