It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
