Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
