Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
