Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I AM VODKA MAN
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
