well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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