I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
