Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
