So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
