Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
