I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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