He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
