I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize