Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
