Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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