New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
