Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
