hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
