Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
