I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
