i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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