Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize