I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
