Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize