I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
