it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize