So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
