i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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