i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How's work?
Spinning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
