Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
