you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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