He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
