How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
