I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
