So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
