just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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