Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
