Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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