Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
