you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
