ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
