I will die if light touches me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize