the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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