hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize