and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
