The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
