I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
