god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
