A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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