I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
