I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
