I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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