Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
