so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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