I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
