and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
